Regrets

Most nights, after Reagan has gone down and all is quiet on our home front, I often sit and think of the things that I did that day that I could have done better. I think of the times I could have been more patient with Reagan and times when I should have just put down what I was doing and played along with her because in the blink of an eye she will be all grown up and I will be the one asking her to play and she will say, "no thanks, mom." I go to bed with a slightly guilty feeling in the back of my mind and vow to be a better mom in the morning. Most days it works. I feel like I am becoming a better mom to her and that my patience, although genetically thin, is expanding.

Today I put Reagan down for a nap at 12:45 pm. She was tired from not having a nap the day before (1PM church isn't my favorite) and I knew she needed a good one today. Well, whaddaya know? She played in her crib for 3 hours, flat out refusing to lay down and take one. About an hour and a half into this, I went into her room to sternly tell her to lay down and go night-night only to smell right away that she had a poopy diaper. So I got her out, changed her, then noticed it was all over her bedding. So I changed her mattress pad, crib sheet and pillowcase, cleaned her up some more and wiped down the rails, then finally put her back in. She played for another hour and a half.

Since I consider myself somewhat of a sleep nazi, this REALLY REALLY bothered me. She needs her sleep....so that she can be happy....and havy plenty of brain cells....so that she can be smart and a good student....so that she can go to college...etc. You see my point. And as Matt often says, " I think about things WAY too much!" Well, I finally get her up and get her out. She was happy, mostly giddy to have gotten out of her much despised nap time, but also with a second wind I suppose. She played happily with me, we made pizza, then she sat down to eat her pizza. It was 5:30 PM and JUST as I predicted in my thoughts, she starts to nod off. I keep her awake and she doesn't like it. Because I am a sleep nazi, I firmly do not want her napping after 4pm, but rather stay awake with an early bedtime.

So I finally just give in and go to give her a bath. She is so tired she is nodding off in the bath. I get her out and that third wind starts up. She knows I am about to put her to bed, so she winds herself up like a toy and goes and goes. Matt arrives home and per the usual, she is ready to PLAY like crazy with dad (which consists of lots of running, jumping, throwing, acting crazy) and I immediately bark at him to stay calm, don't rile her up, she needs to go to sleep.

He kindly tells me to take a break (he has already heard an earful over the phone about the nap situation) and that he will put her to bed in a half hour. I tell him no, right now, she will get over tired and not fall asleep, so he does it and goes to put her to bed.

Then it starts. I sit on the couch as he is in the back room singing to her and rocking her and I think...what in the world am I doing? Is there something wrong if she goes for a day without a nap? Is it the end of the world if dad wants to play with her an extra 30 minutes before putting her down? Is that REALLY going to be the deciding factor if she gets into college or not? Jeez, Lacy, you have some ISSUES! That is what I am thinking.

So tonight, like many nights, I think that I am going to reevaluate my priorities. While I still find sleep incredibly important, it will not rule my day with my child and the time my child has with her dad. If things don't go right, which they just won't sometimes, I will not freak out, but I will let if roll off my back, like my mom always says.

Sometimes people joke with us that I am so good to be "putting up" with Matt. He loves to tease, he loves sports, and I guess there are some women out there that are too sensitive for that. But man, I sit and think every night how so dang lucky I am. That guy comes home from work every day with a smile on his face, takes Reagan, gives me a break, eats whatever I put in front of him, and never ever complains. Ever. He gets it from his dad. Now everyone can truly see that I am not the one "putting up" with Matt, but it is rather the exact opposite. I sure love my little Regs and Matt and guess what? Tomorrow I am going to be more patient ;)