I am very blessed to be a mom. I am also very blessed to live in a home. Lately, those two things have been so overwhelming that I feel like doing a good job at both is impossible and I end up failing in both. Or just doing a halfway job.
I feel constant pressure to be the best mom I can possibly be. Well, no duh, why would I strive for anything less? But really, what defines a good mom? Lately, this is what I feel defines it: someone who completely schedules her life around her children, plays with them 24-7, doesn't do anything for herself, never says no unless it is sweets or television, doesn't let her kids watch television or eat hot dogs because those are just OH-SO bad for them. The best mom takes her kids to the park everyday, dresses them in the best clothes and their hair is always neatly done. She practices numbers, letters, coloring with her preschoolers and practices pointing at everything in the sky and on the road with her infants. She has zero outside projects because heaven forbid we put anything in place of our kids care. Oh yeah and she blogs and facebooks all day because of COURSE she has time for that. We have to journal for posterity, right? That is all I hear and feel lately about what defines a good mom.
If this is the type of mom I have to be, a PERFECT mom, then my family would never eat dinner because my son cries from 5-6 pm to be held and my daugher is restless at that time. My house would still look like it is stuck in the 60's because all home updating projects would never happen because I just couldn't put another project in front of my kids care. I would probably be fat because heaven forbid I take 60 minutes a day to exercise and strive to keep myself healthy. My house would look like a disaster because taking time to clean it up just doesn't fit in the schedule. Thus we walk on our floors with our feet sticking to the peanut butter and watermelon mess and the smell coming from both bathrooms is the smell of diapers and trash buildup. We would wear dirty smelly clothes because the laundry doesn't do itself. And my husband, my poor husband. Doesn't a perfect marriage just come along with that perfect mom figure? Well, if I had to be a perfect mom, then I would have no time for my husband.
Well, guess what? I hate all this. I recently remarked to a friend whom I just met my feelings on all this and she said,"if I just put down all I have to do and be there for my kids everytime they need me, then they get bored of me after a few minutes and I am free to do the other things." My kids are not like that. Example: when Nolan finally takes an afternoon nap, I have almost exactly 2 hours without him. You can imagine all the things I would love to get done. I always take 20-30 minutes to play with just Reagan. But you know what? She doesn't want me to leave. Flattering and annoying at the same time. I gently tell her, "you know what? Mom has to go clean the kitchen or get stuff ready for dinner, or switch the wash, or work in the yard, etc." But she just doesn't understand it. She pleads, "PLAY with me, mom." Well, what would perfect mom do? But of course, she would plop her skinny bottom right down there and do another hundredth game on Candyland until her kids beg her to leave. But me? I don't think I should feel guilty at all by saying , your on your own for the next little while girlie. Yet I still feel guilty about it.
The same friend also said she usually never has time in her day to do anything but care for her kids. She drives them here and there, feeds them 3 meals and 2 snacks, cleans up after said meals and snacks, holds them, reads to them. When they are all tucked into bed, she delves into all her own items of business. She claims she stays up too late and runs on barely any sleep. To that I say, I can't live that way. My relationship with my kids is important, but so is my relationship with Matt. That is the only time in our day for us to just enjoy being together. I miss just sitting on the couch talking to him or laughing over the same shows. Sure we have our own committments thoughout the week that require us to be away for the night, but every night? It's not healthy. I recently recommitted myself to getting to bed earlier. I have been doing it for a week now and MAN, I feel so good. I need that sleep. I have to be in bed by 10pm. My kids go to sleep at 8pm. Two hours goes by fast.
There really is no point to this post other than me to rant over this. I am just sick of feeling guilty. I think I am a good mom. My kids are so dang happy. I do yell, but mostly I am pretty patient. I take them to the park when I can. I play Candyland and T-Ball and fill up their kiddy pool several times a week. We swim on hot days. But you know....the cumulative hour or two that I spend for myself--sometimes 10 minutes here, 20 there--each day, I really hate that I feel guilty over that. I think I should be okay to take some time each day to work on house projects, clean up messes, blog occasionally, and whatever else I feel like doing because I still like to be ME! And I don't want to hear or feel about how I am putting other things before my kids or that I am a project-oriented person. Give me a break.
That is all. I am off to get a now awake Nolan from his crib. I just spent 20 minutes writing this post with Reagan shining a flashlight in my eyes. If that isn't love, then what is?? ;)
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
D to the LAND!
Back in March, Matt and I volunteered for 3 hours at some charity dinner event in Walnut Creek, thus earning us two vouchers to any Disney Theme Park. We chose Disneyland and cashed them in the week after Labor Day. We meticulously planned our trip here. We had one day and we wanted to get the most out of it. We definitely chose a good day (Friday after Labor Day) and there weren't bad lines either. 
The night before we drove down to Anaheim and checked into our hotel, which was across the street and a 15 minute walk to the front gate. Very convenient. We also happened to run into one of Matt's friends from growing up and his family, staying at the same hotel as us. What a fun surprise! The next morning we woke up bright and early and for the first time in my history as a parent, I actually WOKE my children up. Hopefully it never happens again, it felt wrong on so many levels. We were at the entrance gate like an hour early, we honestly were some of the first in line. YAH baby!
Once in the park, we made a beeline for all the popular and non-fast pass attractions. Our very first ride was Finding Nemo, an underwater sub ride. Reagan HATED it and cried most of the time. I honestly held my breath and thought, "oh boy, this is gonna be a long day." Luckily that was one of the only ones she didn't like.
The night before we drove down to Anaheim and checked into our hotel, which was across the street and a 15 minute walk to the front gate. Very convenient. We also happened to run into one of Matt's friends from growing up and his family, staying at the same hotel as us. What a fun surprise! The next morning we woke up bright and early and for the first time in my history as a parent, I actually WOKE my children up. Hopefully it never happens again, it felt wrong on so many levels. We were at the entrance gate like an hour early, we honestly were some of the first in line. YAH baby!
Once in the park, we made a beeline for all the popular and non-fast pass attractions. Our very first ride was Finding Nemo, an underwater sub ride. Reagan HATED it and cried most of the time. I honestly held my breath and thought, "oh boy, this is gonna be a long day." Luckily that was one of the only ones she didn't like.Matt did take her on Pirates while I watched Nolan sleeping and she walked off that ride with her arms folded across her chest and a big scowl on her face. I guess she was scared of that one.
I also made the mistake of taking her on Splash Mountain. She hated it and screamed the whole time. I had to hold her down in my lap to keep her from leaping out of the boat. After a couple of small slides, she knew what was coming on the last big drop. As we went up the river, I could feel that heart thumping from her chest big time and she was crying like no other. I wish I had my wallet on me, I would have bought that priceless picture of her look of horror as we started the descent and me holding her so tight. She screamed about getting wet and then was a little reluctant to trust us after that. I think we headed for Fantasyland soon after :)
We saw Pixie Hollow and met Silvermist and Tinkerbell.
This was the first "real character" we encountered and Reagan didn't know how to react. She wanted nothing to do with Silvermist.
Tink made her a bit more comfortable. We started out as this.
But she eventually looked at her and even smiled. It was really cute!
Saw these three at some royal celebration thing.
Met Tiana, southern accent and all!
Reagan didn't care for this one, guess she expected Ariel to be in flippers.
Cinderella was so great. She came up to her, held her hand and walked her back to the bench, talking sweetly to her the whole time. R was smiling ear to ear and so was I.
We saw Minnie.
The kids loved Toon Town. They walked through an *air-conditioned* Mickey's house. That seemed to suffice since the line to see him was way too long.
Reagan rode the roller coaster in Toon Town and she actually liked it. As Nolan and I sat waiting for them, I saw a mom trying to convince her teenager to go on it. She was too scared. I wish Reagan would have seen it. Actually it reminded me of my sister Lindsey, who's claim to fame is waiting for almost 4 hours to ride the new X at Magic Mountain and chickening out when it was our turn. LOVE YA LINDS!
This was the first "real character" we encountered and Reagan didn't know how to react. She wanted nothing to do with Silvermist.
Tink made her a bit more comfortable. We started out as this.
But she eventually looked at her and even smiled. It was really cute!
Saw these three at some royal celebration thing.
Met Tiana, southern accent and all!
Reagan didn't care for this one, guess she expected Ariel to be in flippers.
Cinderella was so great. She came up to her, held her hand and walked her back to the bench, talking sweetly to her the whole time. R was smiling ear to ear and so was I.
We saw Minnie.
The kids loved Toon Town. They walked through an *air-conditioned* Mickey's house. That seemed to suffice since the line to see him was way too long.
Reagan rode the roller coaster in Toon Town and she actually liked it. As Nolan and I sat waiting for them, I saw a mom trying to convince her teenager to go on it. She was too scared. I wish Reagan would have seen it. Actually it reminded me of my sister Lindsey, who's claim to fame is waiting for almost 4 hours to ride the new X at Magic Mountain and chickening out when it was our turn. LOVE YA LINDS!The kids enjoying some good treats.
I was shocked at how much Nolan loved this place. He was grinning from ear to ear the whole time and could ride most of the rides! He loved Dumbo and the fact that he was sandwiched in between Reagan and I.
We let Reagan pick out one thing for her and one for Nolan. Luckily she chose really inexpensive items :) Something that is hard to find there, let me tell you.
We had front row seats to the fire works and the kids slept through the whole thing. It was too bad because Tink flew through the air a few times. It was a great show, set to music and everything.
We wheeled the kids right across the street and up into the room. We transfered them to bed in their street clothes and those tired ones slept till about 7am. (which is late for them). It was one of the best nights sleep all of us had in a while.
I was shocked at how much Nolan loved this place. He was grinning from ear to ear the whole time and could ride most of the rides! He loved Dumbo and the fact that he was sandwiched in between Reagan and I.
We let Reagan pick out one thing for her and one for Nolan. Luckily she chose really inexpensive items :) Something that is hard to find there, let me tell you.
We had front row seats to the fire works and the kids slept through the whole thing. It was too bad because Tink flew through the air a few times. It was a great show, set to music and everything. 
We wheeled the kids right across the street and up into the room. We transfered them to bed in their street clothes and those tired ones slept till about 7am. (which is late for them). It was one of the best nights sleep all of us had in a while.The next day we had breakfast at IHOP with Matt's friend Chris and his family. After, we headed west to Huntington Beach. It was a beautiful beach and a great day, but windy. I really could enjoy that beach a lot if we lived closer! I love taking beach photos of my family. You probably can't tell.
Nolan face planted right in the waves, so he came and snuggled me a bit. He looks like he has huge nostrils here, I promise he doesn't.
Nolan face planted right in the waves, so he came and snuggled me a bit. He looks like he has huge nostrils here, I promise he doesn't. 
We cleaned up at the hotel and headed to Pasadena to see Jeff and Selly. They were so kind to play with the kids and let them mess up their house. We went to Islands for dinner, then we headed home. Reagan talked to Grandpa and Grandma on the phone for like 20 minutes, setting a record for her ever. We may never get a repeat performance of that, I think she was high on chocolate shake and fries.
We headed back North the next day. What a fun trip. We sure love our trips to see family in Utah, but nothing beats a simple vacation with just the 4 of us. I will always treasure these memories.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Duh.
Well if you tried to view the video below and it wouldn't allow you to, try it again. I unlocked it, so that people besides myself can view :) Hopefully...if it still doesn't work, tell me.
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
Just the Kids
Nolan will be 20 months this Saturday and this kid is just a ball of fire and fun. He is always laughing his head off, even when being disciplined. He loves candy and sweets and hates healthy stuff. So he goes hungry a lot ;) 
Lately it seems he wants to do everything to keep up with Reagan. If he is kind of getting on my nerves, I will say in a high-pitched voice, "Where is Reagan?? Go find her!!" and he runs off in search of sister. He still has the cutest run, kind of a little shake of the tush back and forth. He is saying a few new words now, but they all sound similar. As his mom, though, I know EXACTLY what he means ;) He says "ball" and "bird" pretty clearly. But now he is saying "yeah" and his latest is "park." He only says "yeah" when I ask him if he wants something he really likes. For instance, "Nolan, do you want a popsicle?" or "Do you want some milk?" usually gets a very enthusiastic "YEAH!" If it is a normal, non-exciting question, he just grunts. Not worth the effort.
He is doing okay in nursery, still cries a lot. But he will adjust I am sure of it. 
This kid loves his dad. When we meet Matt for lunch during the week, I always hear that Matt is there before I see him, because Nolan lets out this VERY loud scream/hysterical laugh. When Matt comes home at night, he runs to the door the minute he hears it open. Matt is just a fun dad who plays with his kids all evening. What more could a child want?
I always wanted a son who loves sports and all things boyish and I think that is what I got. I am not trying to brag, but I do have to boast that this kid has an ARM!!! He throws stuff like I have never seen and he can swing a bat with such coordination. Do I sound proud? I am, dangit. I was going to get Nolan a tee-ball set for Christmas, but I found one on clearance at Target, so I picked it up early. Matt said just get it out for him, so we did. Reagan and Nolan have been playing with it outside since Monday. I have a really cute video of him, so I may have to post it if I can. He also loves to kick balls all the time, we just love this about him.
Reagan has grown up so much. Her favorite movie is Shrek, which is hilarious to hear her quote, until she calls Nolan a "big ugly ogre." Then it isn't so funny anymore. She had a really big week this week. She started preschool on Tuesday and just loves it. She has been ready for this for quite some time. She has Mrs. Sonja, whom everyone we know has adored. She also started ballet today. At 7am this morning, she had her leotard, tights and skirt on, ready to go. She waited patiently for 3 hours till we got there :) Her friends Katie and Eliza are in the class, so it is nice she knows other girls. She sounded like she had fun.
Lately it seems he wants to do everything to keep up with Reagan. If he is kind of getting on my nerves, I will say in a high-pitched voice, "Where is Reagan?? Go find her!!" and he runs off in search of sister. He still has the cutest run, kind of a little shake of the tush back and forth. He is saying a few new words now, but they all sound similar. As his mom, though, I know EXACTLY what he means ;) He says "ball" and "bird" pretty clearly. But now he is saying "yeah" and his latest is "park." He only says "yeah" when I ask him if he wants something he really likes. For instance, "Nolan, do you want a popsicle?" or "Do you want some milk?" usually gets a very enthusiastic "YEAH!" If it is a normal, non-exciting question, he just grunts. Not worth the effort.He is doing okay in nursery, still cries a lot. But he will adjust I am sure of it. This kid loves his dad. When we meet Matt for lunch during the week, I always hear that Matt is there before I see him, because Nolan lets out this VERY loud scream/hysterical laugh. When Matt comes home at night, he runs to the door the minute he hears it open. Matt is just a fun dad who plays with his kids all evening. What more could a child want?I always wanted a son who loves sports and all things boyish and I think that is what I got. I am not trying to brag, but I do have to boast that this kid has an ARM!!! He throws stuff like I have never seen and he can swing a bat with such coordination. Do I sound proud? I am, dangit. I was going to get Nolan a tee-ball set for Christmas, but I found one on clearance at Target, so I picked it up early. Matt said just get it out for him, so we did. Reagan and Nolan have been playing with it outside since Monday. I have a really cute video of him, so I may have to post it if I can. He also loves to kick balls all the time, we just love this about him.
Reagan has grown up so much. Her favorite movie is Shrek, which is hilarious to hear her quote, until she calls Nolan a "big ugly ogre." Then it isn't so funny anymore. She had a really big week this week. She started preschool on Tuesday and just loves it. She has been ready for this for quite some time. She has Mrs. Sonja, whom everyone we know has adored. She also started ballet today. At 7am this morning, she had her leotard, tights and skirt on, ready to go. She waited patiently for 3 hours till we got there :) Her friends Katie and Eliza are in the class, so it is nice she knows other girls. She sounded like she had fun.Here is Reagan posing before her first day of preschool.
Reagan asked me one day if I would buy her an Ariel dress. I told her she could help me around the house and earn some money and save it up so that she could buy the dress by herself. She was very excited about this idea. She got a mason jar and has been colleting her pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters for a couple of weeks now. She loves to help me set the table. Sometime if I am trying to get something done, like when Matt and I were laying the floor in the bathroom, I asked her to "baby-sit" Nolan till we were done. Certain things are expected, like I expect her to clean her room and brush her teeth without reward, but it has been fun to see her step up and offer to help me more. The other night, she earned some "moneys" for helping wash the cars. She was pretty good with Matt's, but got bored by car 2. She still did great. It may be a few years till she has enough for an Ariel dress, but I am sure mom and dad could subsidize a bit.
I sure do love both these kids and am so glad I get to be their mom. It has been great watching the bond between them grow as they play together and laugh at each other.
Reagan asked me one day if I would buy her an Ariel dress. I told her she could help me around the house and earn some money and save it up so that she could buy the dress by herself. She was very excited about this idea. She got a mason jar and has been colleting her pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters for a couple of weeks now. She loves to help me set the table. Sometime if I am trying to get something done, like when Matt and I were laying the floor in the bathroom, I asked her to "baby-sit" Nolan till we were done. Certain things are expected, like I expect her to clean her room and brush her teeth without reward, but it has been fun to see her step up and offer to help me more. The other night, she earned some "moneys" for helping wash the cars. She was pretty good with Matt's, but got bored by car 2. She still did great. It may be a few years till she has enough for an Ariel dress, but I am sure mom and dad could subsidize a bit.
I sure do love both these kids and am so glad I get to be their mom. It has been great watching the bond between them grow as they play together and laugh at each other.
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